journal.

augusta_laroo @ 2009-09-09T03:15:00

2009-09-09T07:19:27Z

well i'm still here and i still have this thing even thought i never update. it's still nice to have thought just in case i want to vent or rant or whatever.

being in my new apartment has been going really well. it's expensive right now because i have to pay like, an extra deposit because my credit wasn't the best when i put in my application. still, it's so much more quiet here than the last place. when we left there we didn't clean up shit. douchebags deserve it. all the shit they put us through. i'll never go back to stillwater.

work has been going ok right now. it's like the first time since i've gone to that store that shit hasn't just been horrible on me. hopefully i can keep that up.

otherwise my life is completely dull. i do nothing but work. bleh.

bleh.

augusta_laroo @ 2009-05-24T14:06:00

2009-05-24T18:12:24Z

downing half a bottle of gin would make anyone feel like shit the day after. i wish i would not just learn that, which i have, i'd just like to apply it to my life once in a while. my drinking is really gotten way out of hand. not lately, just in general. i was doing pretty well in pacing myself throughout the week but now i'm just back to old habits. buy beer or liquor, get drunk as fast as possible, sleep as long as i can, shit my brains out, repeat. that's not a life. i need to stop. especially when you gain like, 40lb from drinking alone. no bueno.

other than that, moving out of this place soon. hopefully i can find something more like a house to rent instead of an apartment. i'm just very sick and tired of people and all the fucking noise they make. that and i know my cats are depressed from not being able to go outside. no way i'd do that right next to the road and in stillwater. god only knows what these bored, fucking shells of humans will do to a defenseless animal.

augusta_laroo @ 2009-03-17T14:58:00

2009-03-17T18:58:39Z

augusta_laroo @ 2009-02-13T12:40:00

2009-02-13T18:01:41Z

So my life at Stewart's has gotten worse and worse. No matter how many times I try to improve my situation there it always finds a way to back fire or correct itself long enough to have something else go horribly wrong. So I've decided to fuck it all. There is no reason for me to sit around and expect a company with over 300 stores and god knows how many employees to give a shit about my needs. They are very good at making themselves look great and friendly but it's all just that, looking great. Deep down there are still a business that needs to conduct themselves as such. Basically that means that no matter how hard I work, how many days I come in on time or early, how many other stores I go and help out when they need workers, no matter how hard I try to let them know I want more than just a clerk status... I'm still just someone who has the potential to rip them off and screw them over. Which is ironic because that's exactly how I feel they are treating me.

I mentioned while I was in Florida how nice it would be to stay and not deal with snow any more. My grandparents eventually started to tell me that they would help me out and teach me how to clean houses and do what they do. They owned their own business in New York for over 35 years.
I'd get to work for myself and make a shit load of money.
For example, if all works out well, there is a man my Nana used to clean his house and when she left she gave that (amongst other) jobs to Michelle. She is suck a fuck up she couldn't even handle half the work load my Nan could and she's since stopped cleaning his house. I'm trying to take her place and I can make $55 for 2 hours of cleaning someones house. That's twice the amount I can make in 2 hours at Stewart's.

So for the next few years I'm going to be saving up my money and taking on more cleaning jobs and eventually I'm going to move down to Florida and do it full time.

I'm done waiting around for Stewart's to make it worth it for me. It's not good enough that I bust my ass 40 hours a week and get enough to pay bills and that's it. I need to start making real money so that I can seriously get back into school. That way I could at least feel ok about my fucking life.
I have to do what's best for me and fucking a man, there is PLENTY of money out there for someone who is willing to work for it. Even if the economy is in the shitter.

augusta_laroo @ 2009-02-09T20:51:00

2009-02-10T02:03:43Z

Hey Circut City, thanks for going out of business.
While I'm down here in Florida I mentioned that we should go check out some prices on a GPS and see if any were low enough priced to get. I just wanted to check them out but knowing my Nan I should have guessed she'd just get it for me anyway. I'm so excited because I am the worst with directions and shit so this gives me a lot f confidence to go new places or travel outside of areas I wouldn't normally go. I also bought myself the 3rd season of The Simpsons which was originally priced at $35 something which would have come close to $40 with tax but because it was on sale... $25!! Can you believe it? It's amazing. I'm really excited to tell Craig too cus we just got rid of our cable so we've been watching all the DVDs of The Simpsons that we've already seen a million times over.
I also got some really nice tops and new jeans as well as new pants I can wear to work which is really awesome since most of the pants I bought for work fell apart within a few weeks of getting them.
My Nana also took me out to eat a bunch of times, we went to a chili fest, La Noubia by Cirque De Sole, and Momoassa wildlife rescue National Park...
It was just an amazing week and I'm so bummed out that I have to go back to all the bullshit at home but ya know, everything that's worthwhile always comes to an end. I just can't wait to come back!!!
To be honest I might move down here for good. Really.
I'm getting truly sick of the snow and all the bullshit that comes with it and I really would like to be closer to my Nan and Pa. I don't know, it's just an idea right now. It all really depends on what Stewart's is offering me. If their not going to give me a change to be promoted and make more money then fuck them! I have an chance where I can come down to FL and do what my Nan has always done, clean houses.
It doesn't sound like a lot of fun but no work is and to be honest I can be my own boss and work for myself and make my own damn money and that would be so much more worth it rather than working for people who get to go home at 5 every day and take weekends and holidays off so I can work whenever and bust my ass so THEY can sit on their fat asses and love life while I go home every night and want to drink until I can't remember my own name.
Again, it all depends....
Time shall tell.

VACATION! 2009!

2009-02-06T00:04:43Z

So we went to a Brazilian restaurant tonight that was really awesome. Something new that I haven't done before. They have a bar of a bunch of different foods and then these guys come around to your table with meat on swords. They have 13 kinds of meats in all, I only got to try like 4 or 5 before I was too full. It was really great, here are some pictures...
(sorry to blow up your friends page)

My very first sangria! (I didn't realize it was mostly wine)

This is one side of the bar that has different choices of meats and veggies and all this amazing food.

My plate.

They brought these out first, they were amazing!

They have a window that faces into the dinning room where you can see them cook all the different types of meat.

More of that window...

This guy had some sausages but every kind they had came on those big swords. One dude was even carrying around a whole pineapple that was super sweet, it had brown sugar on it as far as I could tell.

Nana and Papa Brannigan and one fat girl in the middle.

More picture updates to come!

sure!

2009-01-20T02:14:59Z

YOU
1. Name: Kay to the most fantastic la Brannigan. yo.
2. Date of birth: april 21st 1987.
3. Where you live: Stillwater, NY (help me)
4. What makes you happy: smoking weed
5. Currently listening/the last thing you listened to: Right now? Honestly, The Used.
6. Do you read my journal?: Yep.
7. If yes, what makes it especially good or bad?: uhmm...
8. An interesting fact about you: i once open mouth kissed a raccoon. no, not really.
9. What do you love at the moment?: Craiggggggggggggggers
10. Favorite place to spend time: With my Nana.
11. Favorite lyric: oh shit.... so many....
12. The best time of the year: october

RECOMMEND
1. A film: gran torino and taken, i've seen both recently and their amazing.
2. A book: i haven't read anything in forever. i stink.
3. A band, a song, or album: i'm revisiting all the old bands i used to listen to like afi, alexisonfire, panic! at the disco, the used, and such and such.

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me: your honesty.
2. Two things you like about yourself: my sense of humor and the unrelenting urge to mess with people.
3. Look at my friends-list and tell what you like about one of our mutual friends: oh man, n/a? hah
4. Put this in your journal so that I can tell you what I like about you.
fantasticles.

wii bowling is fun. i seriously need to cut all this shit out and save up some dough. i blew some on this: (not the guy just the beard/mustache thing) and i honestly went broke getting it but i feel like it's worth it. shit if i don't do something for myself every now and then, rather than just doing what i need to, it's worth it. fuck money and all the power and control it has over my life. it's bullshit and i need to adjust to accommodate the fact that i'm sick and fucking tired of living a life i hate. fuckkkkkkkk ittttt.
i also can't wait to go on vacation. two weeks. that's all it's gonna take and then i'll be hanging out with my nana and we're gonna have a blasty blast. hehe.
right now craig and his buddy rob are on a beer run, so i'm just killin time till they get back and just in case no one really reads all that i want to leave you with a few comic strips that i've come to find awesome through the magic of stumbleupon.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-12-19T12:25:00

2008-12-19T17:29:49Z

Christmas is going to blow. I can't buy jack shit for anyone because like 6 days later my rent is due.
I have no money.
These storms are seriously testing my sanity.
I don't know how to feel. I mean, Christmas is a bullshit holiday, yes, but i'd still like to give shit to people and make them happy, ya know? But I can't.

I just wish I could stop fucking up my bank account enough to pull my head out of my ass and actually do something good for myself.
But i'd rather be stoned and drunk all the time... so that's where all my money goes.
Cus i'm a fucking impulse buyer and a fucking failure.
CHRIST!
Sometimes it just gets really fuckin hard to keep your head up.

Whatever.
I'm still here. Suck it up, Kayla.

I just wish I could go to FL just for Christmas. Just to hang out with my Nan would make it worth it enough for me.
At least I have Craig here with me, and we can be broke and misserable together. Woo.

blackout, yo.

2008-12-14T00:56:42Z

thank goodness we only had to deal with this for one night.

all our grocries outside on the roof.

we woke up to this, it's not water, it's fucking ICE on the inside of our window.

what else are you supposed to do in a state of emergency? DRINK! WOO! heheh

ahhh... what a day!

2008-11-29T09:33:51Z

Criag and I went to Chelsea, MA to visit my Uncle Mike and Lise for thanksgiving. It was such a pain to drive there since both of us hate other drivers with a passion. But, despite all that and going a little past where we needed to be, we ended up making it.
It was the first time I've been to their new apartment, since every other time it's been the same place for the last, oh let's say... 17 years. The only reason they are not still there is because their landlord died and the family kicked them out. Because that's what cunts are for. Anyway... the went from having 4 cats to 1 cat and 3 pugs. Doug, Norman, and Vince. Vince is an older lad who is blind, he's so cute because when he walks around he just kinds runs into everything. Doug has a chubbsy face and has a serious licking addiction. Vince is a cute guy who loves attention and is sweet as hell. I love all of them. I'm also glad I got to see their last surving kitty Ally. Before it was Gorby, Elivs, and Percy. I miss them all dearly. As well as Kiki, Scooter, and J.B., my cats. (Kiki and Scooter were brother and sister, the died a year apart from eachother. J.B. is with another family since my Nan and I moved from our home.)
I digress.
Their new apartment is seriously very cool. They can go on the roof to a little proch set up with a grill and an amazing view of the water and bridge. The turkey, cooked by my uncle since Lisa is a vegetarian, was awesome and so was everything else Lisa cooked. Craig and I brought some wine and wiskey as well as the cranberry sauce. It's our tradition that it must be present at all Thanksgiving and it MUST be in the can form. NO EXCEPTIONS!
The only thing I would have liked is if there was sweet potatoes and corn. But hey, whatever yo!
I'm so fucking glad my Unlce thought of me and invited me over. It was such a great time and I wish I could do it all over again.
Even though they got rid of their futon and I offered to sleep on the floor and let Craig have the couch since he was driving. I wanted him to be rested since he's got to work on saturday and I don't. I can take an 8 hour shift after a lot of driving, because I napped on the way home, hahhah.
I like to go to Boston but Craig is just too annoyed by it, so I hope there is a time I can go back and do what I used to when I was in high school. Every year we would have like a week off in the spring and a week off in the winter and I would spend one of those vacations at my unlce Mike's. He would take me around the city and show me all these amazing places and take me to shops that he loved and knew I would too.
Everyone in my family says that he and I are the most alike and I think that even though he's a WAY bigger nerd than I'd ever be, he's amazing and I defiently know that he's a part of the Brannigan clan because he rocks.
It's pretty great to have family that I love so much like him and my Nan.
They really are the two that I connect with. Other than Gavin and Mason.
I may no have grown up with them but I love them more than anything. Seriously. No one better fuck with them because I'd fuck them up big time. Fo' sho.
But yeah, since my mom is a bitch who hates me and my father ran away I take who I have in my life and I KNOW that they mean eveything to me. They are what shapped my life and they continue to make it the best life I could hope for.

And that is what, I guess I beilieve, is what the holidays are for.

Seeing another year of the only life you have to live pass by and, maybe if you're lucky enough, you get to spend that time with the people who have always been there for you. The people who have shapped your life and the very person that you are.
And untimately unerstanding that you get to experience something that no one else gets to. The love of those who care for and about you.

And I'm glad that I have what I have. I'm so thankful for all of it. Eventhough I have had so many times where I thought I wasn't going to make it... I did. And I still am.
And I still will.
Watch me.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-11-20T23:59:00

2008-11-21T05:03:01Z

Nana Brannigan's birthday is on saturday. I got her this

Half of the strawberries are covered in chocolate.

She got me a sweet gift of those boxes of meat and cheeses. She is just too awesome and I really wanted to get her something I think she would enjoy. Especially since I haven't gotten her anything for her birthday in a long time. Just like, e-cards and stuff. Not even a real card through the mail. So I dunno, I'm just hoping she'll appericate it. Cause' really I'd do anything for my Nana.

craptastic boys and girls

2008-11-14T22:41:51Z

I never realized how bad my eye sight has gotten. I went out to the store and I forgot to wear my glasses and everything was fuzzy as shit. Usually I can see most stuff if I haven't been wearing my glasses all day but when I do wear them then take them off it's horrible.
Maybe it's just because I'm kinda tired. I've been drinking way too much lately. It's either like half a bottle of liquor or at least 10 beers. And that's been every night since about April. Ugh.
The worst part is I don't want to stop at all. No matter how many days I wake up feeling like hell, no matter how many days I poop liquid fire, no matter how fucking fat I've become because of it I just want to wake up as soon as I can and do it all over.
It's very scary to me because I don't think of myself as a person who would EVER have a problem with drugs or alcohol.
I know genetically speaking, I don't have much of a fighting chance. My biological grandfather is a fucking nut job who drinks all the time and abuses prescriptions. His father died from bleeding out the ass because he drank so much. My biological mother has been in and out of rehab/hospitals for the same thing. She had a big problem with drinking when I was little but now I guess she just pops pills non stop to make herself feel like she should still live.
Neither of which I talk to. Since the whole Michelle kicking me out because I became too fed up with her childish bullshit she hasn't spoken a fucking word to me in over 2 months. So that also makes me feel fucking awesome. My father ran away before I was born and then my mother was only a mother when she had something to gain or it was most convenient time for her to do so.

I swear to god or whatever is out there that if I didn't have my Nan I would be dead. I would have killed myself a long time ago back when I seriously thought that hope was just a fucking sick joke.

I look at my life and I can hardly find a reason why I should still be here. I have no money and no ambition. I work myself to death to get enough money to pay my bills and sit at home and hate myself. I never have any extra money to buy new clothes that I don't need for work or to get a little something for myself as like a 'good job working so hard'.

It rips me apart that I constantly feel like I'm sinking faster and faster no matter how hard I try to get back up.

I just want to feel like there is a reason I'm going through all this. Like at the end there will be some big pay off for all the shit I have to put up with. It sucks because I know there's nothing. And that I'm sitting here bitching while others have it way worse than I do. People who live in garbage on the streets dying of diseases or living in oppression from a fucked up government or insane morals of a fucking wack religion.

I should just be thankful and keep going. I mean, what other choices do I have?

Anyhow, I'm tired of feeling so tired. I just want to get up one day and feel happy. Not because of the actions of others but just content with myself enough to stop being such a god damned baby.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-10-31T21:21:00

2008-11-01T01:29:00Z

happy halloween!

i wish i had taken the day off because i had something fun and exciting to do.
alas i am just sitting here, drinking jack and coke zero.
i am one dull ass 21 year old.

regardless, all halloween decorations will be on sale tomorrow so it's a good time to stock up. cause i keep them up all year round. other than my birthday this is the only other holiday i care about. christmas used to be fun but then i grew up and life took its place in the waiting line of crap and eventual death.

i wish i had the money to take a trip to japan.
i want to go there before some major earthquake crumbles it to the bottom of the ocean.
apparently, according to an article in the post the other day, that if japan were struck by a 7.something earthquake there wouldn't be enough toilets.
yeah, everyone would have to wander around for at least 2 hours to find one.
i think their forgetting that durning times of panic and disaster most people will piss and shit where ever they can.
duh.

yeah so enough of that. i hope all you kids out there had a much more lively time than i am.

i really want to own a bar.
i could deal with that.
i should look into it.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-09-19T00:04:00

2008-09-19T04:05:22Z

I very much hate bills. I can feel them killing me slowly from the inside out.
...cocksuckers.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-09-12T02:01:00

2008-09-12T06:03:02Z

I haven't been online in a while. I don't even know when the last time I've updated this things. All I do know is that I have an amazing boyfriend who love me and a shitty job taking me nowhere.
I miss a lot.

eeeh???

2008-08-24T03:10:17Z

Go back to your hometown
Get your feet on the ground
And stop floating around

augusta_laroo @ 2008-07-16T14:07:00

2008-07-16T18:32:11Z

Michelle has decided to kick me out again. Even though I've been paying rent. Yep. She no longer gets the courtesy of me pretending to care about her feelings anymore. That bitch is cut from my life like a chickens head from its sad, still kicking body.
Fuck her for it all.
Screaming and throwing things and then calling the cops. Yeah. That's how a 37 year old needs to act.

Fuck her straight to hell and back.

I can't find my phone either.
Sleeping at Craig's house.

Should have a new apartment soon.
And it all started over me asking her to replace a $9 bag of chicken she ate of mine, even when she stated right off the bat not to eat her food and she wouldn't eat mine.

I forgot she lives in a fantasy world where she gets to do whatever she pleases and then judge others even though she's a huge walking piece of garbage.

I regret ever having her in my life and I vow from this day on to never let her in again. She just lost her last chance.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-07-12T10:49:00

2008-07-12T14:50:25Z

After I made that last post I went and looked back at some of my previous entries and noticed that I make the same statement in about every other post (about doing nothing with my life).
Awesome.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-07-12T10:31:00

2008-07-12T14:34:12Z

Aaah boy. I know I never update this thing anymore... Mostly because I don't do anything worth talking about. All I do is work and then come home, drink, and then get up and do it all over again.
I really wish I had some kind of life. Not that I can complain. I have a great guy and a steady job and Nana Brannigan helps me out with a lot of stuff.
Still... I wish I could feel like I WASN'T wasting my youth. Baaah-fooey!

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY

2008-05-07T19:21:40Z

I have a new boyfriend. YAAAAY!
I can't really explain how excited I am about this. Seriously. He's so amazing (so far haha). We're very compatible. I seriously feel like he is one person that I can just be myself around. I don't feel like I need to impress him or agree with something that he likes that really I don't just to be nice 'cause we basically like the same stuff.
The only sort of odd thing is that the first night we hung out together his ex girlfriend showed up and was talking to him a lot. Then she was calling him the next day.
I've just got my eye on it. I'm not worried in the least, about him I mean, her though... I might have to extend some knowledge to her brain that this man is now MINE! HOO HA!
heeheh.
And that's another thing. He's not a boy. He's 24.
THANK GOD I FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE AWESOME.
I really hope I'm not getting too ahead of myself but I can't help but feel reallyyyyy good about this.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-04-27T19:44:00

2008-04-27T23:54:39Z

My birthday party last night was great. I'm glad to know that I really do have friends. I always feel like people don't really give a shit about me but last night I was proved wrong. Even though a few couldn't make it I'm so grateful to be young and alive and destroying myself with alcohol and around good company.
Plus my little brother makes a great beer pong partner. Yay!
Too lazy to put pictures up.... you can find a butt load on my facebook. I'll probably get bored and throw a few up here later.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-04-24T01:16:00

2008-04-24T05:25:13Z

I feel like a slug. A little slimy thing.
Why?
Couldn't tell yah. I don't even know.

I feel like I need to leave. Go somewhere and spend a shit load of time on my own outside. Just camping for like a week straight. Surviving.
I think the saddest thing is that if it came down to do or die, I'd die.
I can't take care of myself. And I feel pathetic. I've become so comfortable in this life. I mean, I'm sure I could do what it took to stay alive but if our society crumbled, law became a myth, and I had to take it upon myself to gather my own food and provide shelter and protection...
I would be overcome by someone stronger than I and I'd be dead.

What do I have to show for myself?

I've graduated high school almost... 3 years ago.

I'm educated and I'm rotting away. Life a fucking corpse.
I might as well be.

Doing nothing and getting no where.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm pissed at myself.
Why? Because I am lazy. Straight to the point I'm to American for my own good.

Fuck it all.

Without the support of my Nan I'd be nothing.
Just another body taking up space and air.
Seriously.
I think it's our elders that make us do what we do.
It's how we prove our worth. What drives us.
What else do we have than trying to out do all those who've come before us?

But what do I have to do? Where do I go? How do I make sense of it all?

Sometimes I feel like there is too much in my brain to take.
Other times I feel like I'm as empty as a heroin junkie. Nothing inside.

But if that's true shouldn't I feel free?
Isn't being empty being free?
To not have burdens?
Or do our burdens only solidify our being human?

suck on it fools.

2008-04-17T17:09:17Z

I got my internet and cable back. Fantastic! Now I can go on with sitting and numbing my mind in front of glowing screens.
I really don't feel like dealing with work today but I know I need to get out of the house or I'll go crazy. I hate that I can get so desperately bored so fast.
Monday is my 21st birthday. I don't expect to get anything. Ploop.

You know what I'm not ok with? Older women and much younger lady cleavage.
Older women because they should know better than to have those things hanging out for everyone to look at and younger girls because I'm older now and it's very wrong to look at 14 year old boobs. Very wrong.
I hate the world and its filthy temptations.
Or should I just say that I hate spring/summer fashions. Could they possibly pay more money for less fabric? I might as well sell nipple tassels as the latest summer fad.
Whores would eat that shit up.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-04-03T00:29:00

2008-04-03T04:40:23Z

Insert big fucking sigh right here. I'm all too aware of the games they play. It's almost sad. No, it IS sad. What a desperate situation I find myself in when all I think about is the past and being blind to everything. Willful ignorance is the worst way to go though. I really wish I had a bottle of gin to drown my sorrows. Yes, I am aware that it is the worst thing to do in a time like this but how poetic it could be. Almost too predictable.
"It's ok."
That's what I tell myself but how long can one person believe in their own lies? I wonder if anyone looks in my eyes and sees how defeated I am? Even worse than that, I wonder if anyone cares. Everyone goes about their own lives and all I seem to do is stick myself in unmovable situations. God how I wish I could look in on myself and rely on what I believe to be true as strength instead of defeat and anguish.
I just want this to pass. Move along agony so I can put my face to the sun and smile at it's warmth.

augusta_laroo @ 2008-03-26T23:30:00

2008-03-27T03:38:45Z

I feel like at some point later in the year I should take time to fly out to some place that I would be intrested in moving to. Then again I feel like I need to stop thinking about moving around and start focusing on getting back into school.
I don't know if I mentioned it on here or myspace but my grandparents bought me a car for my birthday. I was excited for the first 10 minuets then I realized how much fucking money (that I don't have) it will cost me. Now I'm just pissed. Mostly because I was trying to pool my money for a tattoo. I know the reason that they bought me the car is so they would have a reason to make me feel guilty about not being in school. Leverage. Damn.
Not that I mind. I just know for a fact that I'll probably only get a shitty degree and a whole fuck load of student loans and STILL be stuck with a shitty job (most likely at Stewart's... their benefits are too good to not stay).
So basically I feel like I'm fucked no matter what I do. But then I realize that I'm the only one who can make my life better so I might as well stop fuckin feeling sorry for myself.

Oh and did I mention I'm fuckin sick of boys? I have officially given up on giving a flying shit about having a boyfriend. Which for me is intense since I've like... always been in some kind of relationship. I don't care anymore. I just don't. I'm too young to get my hopes up over these BOYS. I want a man. I know I won't find him anytime soon so I might as well just say "screw it" and have as much fun as I can.

I still miss my dog. Even like... a week later it still fucking stings.